Just A Dream.

It's seven in the morning. I woke up in tears, thinking about the dream i have had. Sitting in bed thinking about what had happened between us. Four years ago i had an almost similar dream it was sweet but this time round the dream ended off differently. Apart from all the psychological explanation, I will call dream a sign from god.

Four years have passed, things have changed, you have changed and i definitely did. All these years, i tried so hard to forget, so hard to move on but you just keep coming back. Although some part of me felt happy but i realised we are going nowhere so why not set it straight and let it go. I know i have to do something about it so i started a bet with myself and if you fail me i will move on, leaving you out of my life. One bet after another i just couldn't give up, always thinking of giving us another chance but three times; my birthday, Christmas eve and new year eve, we both failed. This is when i realised our time is up and i really have to put everything to a stop. Stop my heart and emotions from controlling my mind. All these years, i told myself that moving on is the best for everyone but the moment when i realised you have set me free, i didn't feel happy ironically i felt sad.

Although it was harsh but i guess this is the best for both of us. I guess this is part and parcel of life. I have never regret knowing you. You taught me trust, understanding, communication and etc. Blame me for not knowing how to cherish, blame me for failing you. You definitely deserve someone better and the only way i can make up to you is to treat whoever coming into my life better. I am sorry and i miss you. Everything is just a dream.

Anyway, i have moved on and this will definitely be the last post about this issue so yup HAPPY NEW YEAR. NEW YEAR NEW BEGINNING. Every fullstop is the start of a new sentence. This year, let's all DREAM BIG & TAKE RISK. :)

before i end off, readers please spare a couple of minutes to hear this song..

Complete lyrics: http://www.directlyrics.com/nelly-just-a-dream-lyrics.html                   " I was thinking about you.                 

Thinking about me.

Thinking about us. What we gonna be?

Open my eyes, yeah it was only just a dream...
So I travel back down that road.

Will you come back? No one knows.

I realize yeah it was only just a dream. "

Bye readers.

Disappointment. ☹

Since young we were told a story called the boy who cried wolf. However, no one actually picked up the moral of the story and applied it in life. When someone started a lie, one have to use another lie to cover up the first lie and another bigger lie to support the first and second lie and it just continues. At the end of the day, we will just land ourselves in this difficult situation where we no longer see a point in telling the truth. Then some point in life, this big fat lie is exposed then we have to make up another story to protect the first lie. At the end of the day, things just get out of hand and people get hurt.

I believe everyone have heard of this saying: Honesty is the best policy. So in the first place, why can't we just tell the truth?  But after much consideration i take back my words.. Let me just ask you some simple questions and you will understand why..

1. How many of us can actually tell the truth, nothing but the truth?

NONE. (I suppose.)

because there are too many things in life that stop us from doing so. 

For some reason i think they are called 'excuses'.

2.How many of us can actually accept the truth, the coldest and hardest truth?

NONE, ( I suppose.)

because truth hurts. 

In my opinion, i realised truth hurts the most when i am the one revealing it and lying to myself is the only possible way to make myself happy. Tsk tsk tsk..How ironic can i be.

 

How stupid can i be? To actually believe someone who has lie to me over and over again. History repeats itself, don't they? Or am i just stupid for not learning from my mistakes? Every time i try stepping out of my comfort zone so that i can trust others easier, i always ended up with bruises and scars. So please, people who are out to break others trust, please think twice because people who have been hurt are so scared to trust again. Because they tend to have this fear that every person they trust is going to break their trust.

I'm not upset because you lied. I'm upset because i no longer know if i can trust you again.

Someone once told me: god set challenges for you so as to polish you and make you a better person. God also place different people in your life so you can learn from them and etc. So can someone please tell me if i am that lousy whereby god had to set so many challenges in my life to the extent that it suffocates me. OK wait i am not trying to push the blame to anyone, especially the one above but just forgive me for ranting, and i sincerely thank you for listening to my prayers especially during exam period.

OMG i think i better stop..if you realised, i am no longer in the right mind to blog. so yup readers i am ending here today.

 

I definitely am and the same question applies..am i strong enough to try? Can i make it through?

Anyway, bye readers.