Some friends once told me that i am not a person who opens up easily to others. Yes very true, but i really don't know who i can confide in, what i can say or not say? Everytime i trust someone, they show me why i shouldn't. :( Personally i feel that having someone who you can pour all your mishap and secrets to is a luxury. It's just like having a Lamborghini Reventon. If you drive and maintain it well it's an artistic piece costing approx $2m. However, if you don't you will have to pay for your mistake. The price for your mistake can range from over speed fines up to the extent of your life. In conclusion, everything revolves around 1 rule, the rule of life, when there's pros there's cons and when there's ups there's downs.
So all these while i have been protecting myself with an invisible shield. Shutting myself down and burying myself with work. Personally i think this is the best way to protect myself from all the hidden threats that i could ever thought of. I have always prepare myself for the worst because no expectations equates to no disappointment. This is how i live my life, i know this is kind of saddening but this is the only way such a naive me can think of to subsist in this society.
At times i really feel pressurised with all the events going on in my life. However, there's no place for me to channel all my emotions to. All this while i have to pretend that i am coping well with life, saying it's ok when all the time i am not. I always think my mind conquers my heart but never do i know all these while i am merely deceiving myself. How foolish can i be. I thought i have come to the end with everything and anything that connects to you and move on to a brand new world whereby you don't exist. But you are just like a spirit always catching up with me and messing up my thoughts like there's no tomorrow. Ironically, I'm glad to know that you still cares. (just thought you should know) Guess moving on is harder than i thought it originally was. I concede defeat and will let nature take it's own course. However long it takes i will wait, i will wait for the day whereby i can say it out loud for finally being able to move on. For now all i can do is regret for leaving so many things and emotions unexpressed and hope for miracles to happen..
Then i realised in this ever changing world there's no such term called 'the end'. The end is just another term for 'never ending'.
ok doubt anyone will visit this dead blog. anyway shall end off with a song which is kinda similar to what i am feeling?...
Translation/pinyin/lyrics by Ho@multistars.com
End Of The World
Composer: Jay Chou (周杰倫) (周杰伦)
Lyricist: Jay Chou (周杰倫) (周杰伦)
Lyricist: Jay Chou (周杰倫) (周杰伦)
Want to smile to disguise the tears that are falling
Nod head admit to myself that I will be scared of the dark
I only seek that you can lend some time to be with me
But you don't even give sympathy
Want to cry to find out whether I am numb yet
The whole world seems like I am the only one who is tired
Doesn't matter anyway I'm feeling sad so I'll muddle through and go for a time
If only despair and feeling useless would go far away
The sky is very grey will it allow me to forget who you are?
The darker the night dream disobeys
It is hard to chase and hard to enjoy in retrospect
My world is going to be destroyed
Maybe things do not happen as I wish
Am i tired? Shall i sleep?
A single shadow with no one to snuggle with
The darker the night dream disobeys
Who is willing to comfort? (It is hard to chase and hard to enjoy in retrospect)
My world is going to be destroyed
Maybe being dispirited is another kind of beauty
Nod head admit to myself that I will be scared of the dark
I only seek that you can lend some time to be with me
But you don't even give sympathy
Want to cry to find out whether I am numb yet
The whole world seems like I am the only one who is tired
Doesn't matter anyway I'm feeling sad so I'll muddle through and go for a time
If only despair and feeling useless would go far away
The sky is very grey will it allow me to forget who you are?
The darker the night dream disobeys
It is hard to chase and hard to enjoy in retrospect
My world is going to be destroyed
Maybe things do not happen as I wish
Am i tired? Shall i sleep?
A single shadow with no one to snuggle with
The darker the night dream disobeys
Who is willing to comfort? (It is hard to chase and hard to enjoy in retrospect)
My world is going to be destroyed
Maybe being dispirited is another kind of beauty
Last but not least, if anyone happen to read this post i say goodbye.
